I am writing this on the eve of my scheduled C-section. I’m sitting on the sofa, dog at my feet and cat curled up beside me, feeling so many waves of emotion. I’m terrified, excited, in awe and sad too. This is the last night of having my bump and the comfort of being “still” pregnant. Soon everything gets turned on its head and I’ll be a mother.
Being pregnant has been a journey like no other. It has been the best and worst of times and undoubtedly the biggest journey of growth, both mentally and physically, I’ve ever been on.
Before becoming pregnant I was still a child in so many ways, and over the last 9 months I have shed that skin and taken on a new coat. I’m more philosophical now-I’m no longer afraid of death like I used to be, I’m fiercely protective, I’m calmer, I stand up for myself. I have such respect for all women who have been through pregnancy, whether a successful one or not.
In these 9 months I realise that imperfection and surrender are words I am to befriend as opposed to fight. That when there is something bigger than you in the works you need to listen to your body and let go of preconceived plans and expectations. My pregnancy hasn’t been a cookie cut out journey like I always thought it would be, it’s been unpredictable to the last. And as I sit here I realise that it is what is was meant to be and that this whirlwind adventure is beautiful in all its glorious imperfection.
